"I haven't cut in a long time, but everything has been really hard lately."

I was sexually abused by my best friend's brother (they're also my neighbors) from when I was 6 until I was 12 and I told someone. I'm 16 now. He's 3 years older than me and just starting his freshman year of college with the goal of becoming a teacher. He's also a football player and pretty well known and liked in our town and at his college. It started out as touching me when I was younger and as I got older, he started to rape me and he would force me to give him oral sex. I initially lied about who it was because the school counselor that I told pretty much interrogated me and it felt too risky to name him. I only told in the first place because my friend made me when I wouldn't tell her why I was cutting myself.

I haven't cut in a long time, but everything has been really hard lately. I'm an honors/AP student, so I have a lot of work to do, but my grades have been slipping because all I want to do is sleep and I don't want to try at all. When I was still back in middle school, the friend who made me tell started telling other people without me knowing. I actually got called into the school counselor's office at one point and she told me that 2 parents had called her asking about what happened to me. She told me that I wasn't allowed to talk about my abuse because it upset others and I would ruin my abuser's reputation. Then again, just last year, a girl decided to go around telling people that I faked getting raped in 7th grade to get attention. I've had multiple people ask/tell me about what she said. It's affecting my life in way too many ways and I just want it to go away. He still doesn't know that I accused him. It never went through the police back then, but with him wanting to become a teacher, I want to do something about it. I don't think I would have many options if I went to the police though, considering I lied about who it was at first, the last time anything happened was 4 years ago, and there's no evidence of anything happening. Anyways, sorry to burden you with this and thank you for giving others and I a safe place to find our voices. I've actually never written or said all of that at once. I know that I'll be okay in the end, but it's hard to get there.

1 comment:

  1. Bless you. No-one should ever have to go through this.

    I realise there isn't a lot you can do now but filing a report with the police would at least stack up if anyone else reports him or if others have already reported him. Potentially by staying quiet he could go on to hurt others, especially if he is to become a teacher (possibly why he chose this career path to give him easy access)

    Just remember it is never your fault. Anyone who shames you should be ashamed of themselves.

    I know this is all easier said than done and I don't know your situation truly but just remember you are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect.

    Peace, love and respect to you.

    Stay safe and don't let the b*strds grind you down! x


Please be respectful and remain in a nonjudgemental state when commenting.

MariaRuiz. Theme images by merrymoonmary. Powered by Blogger.