I Was Molested By My Cousin (she was 17)

I have never fully shared my story... But from ages 12 to 15, I was molested by my cousin (she was 17 the first time). I don't know if it is considered rape, because my cousin is a female, and I'm a female- but the trauma is still there. My cousin lived with my mom, my two siblings, and I at the time. She slept in my room, and we were very close. 

One night, my mom was visiting her boyfriend (now husband), and he lived three hours away. My cousin and I decided that we would sleep in my little sister's room because my cousin's sister was staying the night too, and we were going to have a nice night with them. The night was going great and once the younger kids went to sleep, we stayed up a bit longer and talked. Eventually, I fell asleep. I wasn't asleep long when I felt my cousin reach into my pajama bottoms and start to touch me. I was so in shock that I couldn't move or say anything. My body reacted to her and I moaned, but I didn't want to. I felt so disgusted. I wasn't enjoying it at all.

This was someone that I trusted and we had been so close and now this was happening. I remembering closing my eyes and praying to God that one of the 4 year old girls did not wake up and see this horrendous act. And then it was over. I didn't sleep the rest of the night. But that wasn't the end of it, as I had hoped. My cousin continued doing this for the next 3 years. I was so afraid to tell anyone, especially my mom. Everyone loved and still loves my cousin. They see her as an innocent angel. I have tried to forgive and forget but I can't. She has never admitted to what she has done and she has never apologized to me. Because of her, I now suffer from depression and anxiety. 

I have nightmares and I don't trust people like I used to. No one should have to go through anything like that.

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