It's been 41 years, and I'm still dealing with the after-effects of what was done to me


I was 11.

A baby, in my uniform jumper, knee socks, and Girl Scout backpack, on a rush hour subway. He pinned me against the pole and violated me. He whispered in my ear that he would stab me if I yelled. So I stood, alone, terrified and he broke my hymen with his hand. 

When I got off the train, I ran to the Transit police office inside my station. The only help I got? Best my parents could do is hush it up and "blame" for" developing ". My grandmother gave me an old school hatpin I carry to this day. 

At 14, a grown man tried to molest me when he was charged with bringing me home sick from the daycare I worked at. 

At 16, my friend's grown boyfriend asked me to help him choose a graduation gift for her. He was a black belt. I never had a chance. I was handcuffed, raped, and then he told everybody I was a slut. 

No more friend, reputation ruined, and when I left for college, no new start, because she was still hurt and angry enough she told people at our school. I was grabbed by a serial rapist and murderer, beaten and raped, she told anyone who would listen that I was a liar and a slut. 

I don't really have friends, or much of a sex life. What I do have is depression, anxiety and a deep distrust of people .I was a kid, and grown ass men abused me. Stop teaching your girls to "be careful" start teaching perverted old guys that little girls are for little boys, or other little girls, not their grown, predatory asses. 

It's been 41 years, and I'm still dealing with the after-effects of what was done to me

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