I immediately told him to stop, but I felt dirty




When I was 17 users old, I was a member of my school's rifle team. 

One day after school, 2 of my teammates and I were wrestling around. One of them put his hand in between my legs and touched me. I immediately told him to stop, but I felt dirty. I tried to convince myself that he probably didn't mean it and that I was overreacting; maybe I had made it up, or it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. 

It happened again a few days later, and I told myself I had it coming. What else should I have expected wrestling with guys? I did everything to justify his actions and to blame myself, and the used and violated feeling never left. 

I was one of 2 girls on my team, and I was sexually harassed by another teammate, but I would laugh it off while I cried inside. It only stopped because my ex-boyfriend and I had become romantically involved at the time. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if we hadn't. 

I justified that only a good guy would stop if I started dating someone, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. It wasn't until 2 years later, when the recording of Donald Trump bragging about sexual assault was released, that the memories came back. 

Immediately, I felt the disgust, the confusion, the utter turmoil, and the dirty feeling from when I was 17. Seeing people justifying DJT's actions only made it worse; it confirmed that I would be mercilessly questioned and blamed for what happened.

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