He Trapped Me At His House

Baby It's Cold Outside

He trapped me at his house in subzero weather. Just like that obscene, rapey song. I was a teenager and he was in his late twenties, established with a career in the entertainment industry, pretending we were friends because I, too, was smart and funny. It was the kind of weather where people die in the streets from the cold and all public transportation had stopped running. I had no money for a cab. He said we'd just stop at his house for a minute and he'd take me back to where I was staying, on the other side of the city.

Then he came out of the bathroom with wet hair, naked. There was nowhere to sleep and the apartment was bitterly cold. I had been traveling and hadn't slept in days. I could feel myself already getting sick. He swore he wouldn't touch me if I'd just sleep in his bed. Then began the endless, Weasley rapist, "oh come on, oh come on, oh come on..." pressure. He wouldn't leave me alone. It was endless. I lost count of how many times I said "No." How many times I shoved him away. I was crying, exhausted.

Eventually, worn down, demoralized, I gave in. I figured it would be over quick and then I could finally sleep. I was in a haze from the fatigue. But it was endless. Endless and disgusting. It was all I could do to not vomit. His penis was small so it didn't hurt but he was so disgusting and ugly and vile. Endless nightmare violation. He was so porny, trying to order me into different positions and acts.

After, I tried to pretend it was no big deal. I didn't want him to win. I even tried to be "friends" which rips me apart to this day. I told all my friends that he had forced me into "grudgingly consenting to let him rape me." But it was years before I could get past my shame and admit what it was, plain and simple: Rape. I said no, and he forced me. He raped me.

To this day, he lies about what happened. Like all rapists do. I tell people the truth: He raped me. I know there are other victims out there. I hope big guys rape him so he knows what it feels like. "Baby, it's cold outside." I want him to feel that chill deep in his bones, that inability to ever get warm again. I want him to freeze to death from the inside out. I want everyone to know what he is.

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