I Went To A Halloween Party

In 1982 I went to a halloween party with a male friend. We both had too much to drink and he wanted to go home with someone he'd met. He said his friends could give me a ride home. (I later learned he'd never met them before that night) Thinking I was safe I fell asleep in the car and awoke in an apartment somewhere in Chicago. One man raped me and for whatever reason he did not let his friend. 

They then sat at a table in the table in the kitchen discussing how they were going to kill me and dispose of my body. both men had hand guns. I was naked, several floors up and they were by the door.. I promised God I would change if he got me home to my girls. When my rapist reentered the room I told him about my girls, showed him their photos and begged him to spare my life for them. 

Thank God he had compassion for me as a mother. He stayed in bed next to me until the other man left. In the morning he borrowed a car and gave me a ride home. He told me that I was now his 'woman' and he would return soon to visit my kids and I. I moved out that same day. My ex-husband had attacked, beaten and raped me on several occasions; the police said it was a domestic matter: call a lawyer who told me to go to the police and also said "stop sleeping with your ex-husband and he'll leave you alone."  I was a 22, twice divorced mother of two girls from different fathers and everyone I met then judged me. It didn't matter that I worked 2-3 jobs to support them or  that I raised them alone. I spent years moving to keep safe from my ex and this creep. Upon the advice of a new attorney I bought a gun, learned to shoot and made it clear I would use it if needed.I attempted suicide after the 'stranger' rape. I have PTSD and though It's been over 30 years I still have nightmares.

i have been happily married for over 15 years an d I still panic and physically lash out if I am physically cornered. I fear for the safety of my daughters (whom I also taught to fire a gun) They are well adjusted, wonderful young women and I pray they will never have to endure what I did. These judges make my stomach turn, they have no idea how devastating rape is to the victims.

- P

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