I Was Molested By A Family Member At 5 Years Old

I was sexually molested at 5 yrs old , By a family friend. I never said anything because in my family,if u never talk bout it it never happen. It finally stopped at 12 yrd old..I said no. I thought to myself if only I would have said no earlyer. But I was so scared to open my mouth. I tried to push it under the rug. So I was always smiling an laughing like nothing was wrong

.When I was 15 I meet the guy who I wanted to marry. We got together when I was 16 he was 18. He was everything to me.my 1st love ,1st real boyfriend,1st time ,well u know!  I lost my mother when I was 16 . I was so lost.But of course he was the only one there to make sure I was OK. My family wasn't there for me..I cut school, had bad grades.. ect...My boyfriend was abusive. But to someone who just lost her mom ,I didn't care.I finally had enough of my boyfriends crap! I try to end the relationship.The 1st time he rape me .

 I remember being on the floor.hoping his parents would walk in.I stayed with him cuz like I said I was so lost..no mom or family around.. I was ashamed to tell my friends. I tried to leave again.He kidnapped me ,rapped me.An said if I told anyone he would kill me.I told the police.The detective said he said he would never do that again! So they let him go back to class..!!!we were both still in high school. I tried to leave again! Again he kidnapped me an raped me! He said he would kill my family an friends! So I went back with him! I thought no one believed me.NOT even the police.(this was back in 1982-1987)  Finally he got bored with me an I never saw him again till bout a 6 yrs later .He had the nerve to say hi to me like nothing happened! Then I saw him again 4 yrs later! He still didn't understand why I didn't want to talk to him! I still get panick attacks! Nightmares! Some friends that I don't talk to any more said what's the big deal! Get over it!  I was still lost for along time! Did drugs. Im surprised I'm still standing! I should be died after all the drugs I did..I went to a party to score more drugs! I had sex with 2 guys to get them.But for some strange reason I still feel like I was raped! I went to counseling! It was the best think I ever did for my self! Its still hard to sleep threw the night but I'm getting better. One day I will! An one day I WILL fine my husband to be!


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