We had been Dating.

I saw your post regarding National Break the Silence Day on Change.org. I’ve only spoken of  what happened to me once before but feel the need to make my voice heard. I am asking that it be kept anonymous for right now.

It happened so long ago, almost 18 years ago now. He was my boyfriend of a year, someone I loved. He and I had been having problems; to be honest, he was an emotionally abusive asshole and I was finally waking up to that fact. He had been after me for most of our relationship to engage in anal sex and I always said no. Personally, I have never had an interest nor an inclination to try it - I find it distasteful. I’m not judging anyone who engages in it but for me, it’s a no go. To each their own, I always say. I had always tried to explain my decision but he kept pushing. My answer was always no. I thought the matter was settled. I was wrong.

One night, we went out with our friends and had a great night. He was actually being a decent human being that evening & when we got home, we continued our own private party in our bedroom. Things were going fine until he started trying to get me to have anal sex. I gently took his hand away from that area and said no. We were lying with my back to his front. The next thing I can remember is his his right arm gripping me really  tight ( it was wrapped around me,almost like a chokehold)  his left arm gripping me around my waist  in an iron grip and his penis was penetrating my anus. He had turned me almost onto my front, pinning me down. I fought and yelled “No!”and do you know what he told me? I would enjoy it if I would just relax. I managed to to wiggle my left arm free and elbowed him hard in the face, causing his grip to loosen and I came flying out of that bed. He tried to tell me that , in the heat of passion, he “slipped”and he wasn’t aware. In shock and disbelief that he would do this, I put my clothes back on and drove to my home, where I showered, treated the area with Neosporin and an ice pack & went to bed. I couldn’t stop shaking and the pain was horrible. I finally fell asleep at dawn the next morning.

The next day he acted as if nothing had happened. My belting him had given him a shiner, which he told me he was not happy about, since we were just “messing around and having fun”. The only person I attempted to tell was a female friend of ours and only because she had stopped over to his house to drop something off & saw his bruised eye. She called me to ask what happened. As I told her, she got upset with me, telling me that I had no right to hit him. He probably just “slipped”. I clammed up after that and refused to discuss it again. As for he and I, we never had sex again. I refused to let him sleep at my house & wouldn’t stay over at his. I dumped him shortly afterwards.

Over the years, I pushed it into the recesses of my mind. Anyone I dated and was intimate with was told that anal sex was off the table & if that was a deal breaker for them, they could see their way out the door. Thankfully, no one ever objected. To this day, I am still very skittish about that area of my body. If a man that I’m with gets too close to that area, I can feel the fear rise up, I break into a cold sweat and I have to fight to keep the panic down. I just redirect their hand firmly and tell them “no” as calmly as I can.

I never thought to go to the police with this because, at that time, I didn’t want to believe that a rape had taken place. I didn’t think anyone would believe me or take me seriously. We had been dating. I didn’t know then that a rape could occur within a relationship. It’s taken me years to get to the point where I am willing to face it and acknowledge it. You’re the first person I’ve told since then. Maybe I’ll get to a point where I can talk about it openly. Maybe not. I just don’t know.

Thank you for giving me a forum to talk. You are doing amazing things in an attempt to end the stigma. May God bless you.

1 comment:

  1. Any man who insists on having anal sex either has a small penis or is gay. As for the cunt who jumped on you for defending yourself. I find her more disgusting than him. Most attacks on victims of rape come from women. Whore probably wanted your man. Why else would she defend him. I wish you would expose both their names. I am sure he did it again.


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