This Was Just The First



Sad but necessary preface: I was 100% stone cold sober and wearing long sleeves and pants when this event occurred. I was also a virgin. So throw all those provocative clothing, intoxication/memory, and sexual proclivity strawmen in the freaking fire right now.
I was 18 (freshman in college) and we had cardkeys like a hotel to get in/out of our dorms. I realized I had forgotten mine coming home from a friend's dorm at about 11pm. Not to worry! There was an older (read: 28-year-old man who chose to live in freshman dorms) guy I had met a couple of times before standing outside smoking a cigarette. I asked if he would swipe me in so I could tell the front desk I had forgotten my ID card. He said he would let me in if I did something for him. Apparently "something" means pushing me up against a wall, shoving his hand down my pants, and slobbering all over my neck and saying gross things about how much he knew I wanted it. I honestly was so terrified I just let him do it. The worst part is that there was a camera recording the courtyard that I knew was displayed on a monitor behind the front desk. The person at the front desk likely saw this happen to me and either didn’t care or thought it was normal.
I had so little experience with both sexual activity and the concept of consent that I honestly didn’t even realize I had been molested until years later. The mindset I had then telling me to just let him do what he wants so I can go inside and go to bed frightens me so much now. How many other women are as na├»ve as I was or even more so? This is why I need feminism. Because I don’t want any other woman to think that way or go through what I have gone through.
This is one incident of many, by the way. This was just the first.

1 comment:

  1. This speaks to me, a younger more naive version of myself would have felt the exact way you described.. not even understanding how wrong it was. females shouldn't have to look to be taught about the difference between injustice and just awkward. I hope your story helps somebody, opens eyes.

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