I was only in the 8th grade




I was in 8th grade.  I was only 13 when the grooming started.  One of the teachers at my school took notice of me.  I enjoyed the attention.  My mom worked a lot and my dad was semi-abusive so someone taking the time to listen to me and give me somewhere to hang out after school was a big deal to me.  At the end of the day I would go to his classroom and at first I would just help grade papers and make copies. 

On my 14th birthday my mom was too busy to do anything and my dad forgot about it so I was pretty upset when I went to his classroom.  He had made me a card and it was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me (or so I thought at the time).  Not even a week later our conversations started taking a weird turn; they became increasingly sexually toned.  It made me uncomfortable but he told me he thought I was mature enough to handle it.  I was incredibly naïve and I enjoyed having someone to talk to so I kept going.   

By Valentine’s Day I was convinced this whole set up was perfectly normal.  I went to his class after school on Valentine’s Day and he had gotten me flowers.  Again, I thought it was nice and appreciated it (looking back I just find it creepy).  In a strange way he had somehow convinced me it was perfectly normal for a 28 year old to be my “boyfriend”.  Again, not even a week after that things escalated.  It started with just brushing up on me when I was bending over to put things away.  At first I thought it was accidental.  Eventually he would grope me and tell me he loved me.  He would tell me all the time how mature I was and that I shouldn’t tell anyone because they wouldn’t understand. 

In April my school had a “lock-in” where the students would stay over night and do activities.  He came up to me and told me he wanted to talk to me in private and asked if I would come with him.  I did.  I wasn’t expecting anything but a conversation when I went to his classroom.  When we got there he turned off all of the lights and told me he had a surprise for me.  I was expecting a gift of some sort and I was trying to figure out what he could have gotten me.  Then he started undressing me.  I didn’t really understand what was going on at first.  He told me he just wanted to show me how much he loved me; and then he took his pants off.  By this time I was terrified.  I didn’t know what to do and I just froze.  He sat down and pulled me onto his lap and before I knew what was going on he had his fingers inside me.  All I remember is the pain.  I honestly thought I was going to die it hurt so bad.  I tried to get up and he pulled me back and told me he was almost done and that he knew I liked it.  I just wanted it to end.  When he finished all I could think about was getting dressed and getting out of there as fast as I possibly could.  He acted like nothing happened.  I was confused.  I walked out with him and I was crying by this point.  The Monday after he found me at school and told me he was sorry he upset me it wouldn’t happen again.  He hoped I would still come and talk to him.  I don’t know why but I believed him.  I hate myself for it but I kept going to see him.  He would grope me and have me touch him but he didn’t cause anymore pain so I thought it was not a big deal.  I didn’t like it but I figured he loved me so it was ok. 

Six days before the school year ended I was called into the principal’s office.  She shut the door and told me some parents had just reported seeing him and I alone back in April and I was crying and visibly upset (only three months too late to say something).  She asked if anything had happened and I didn’t say anything.  I was all alone, she hadn’t even called my parents, I said I wasn’t sure.  She then proceeded to tell me she hoped nothing happened because I would get in trouble for being somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be that night (I would get in trouble?!) and then advised me I would only have three years to report it.  So I told her nothing had happened.  I didn’t know what else to do.  I didn’t want to get in trouble.  She said just to make the parents happy she would tell him to stay away from me.  The next day he came up to me at lunch (in full view of everyone) and told me I shouldn’t tell my parents because his baby was sick and he didn’t want to lose his job.  I said nothing.

The more time that passed the more I realized what happened was not ok.  After while the stress built up and aggravated a digestive disease I have.  I needed four surgeries by the time I was 16 to settle things down.  I was so sick that I just buried everything that happened.  By the time I was 17 I figured my time to report had passed so there was nothing I could do now.  Then I started working at a law office and realized that what the principal had told me wasn’t true at all! With help from my incredibly supportive husband in 2010 I went to the police and made my report.  The officer who took my statement was truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I am still friends with.  They police said they didn’t really have much evidence and asked me if I could wear a wire and call him and see if I could get him to incriminate himself on tape.  I did it.  I wanted to see him held accountable.  I sat in my car with him for nearly 45 minutes while he explained he was having troubles with his wife at the time and how sorry he was and told me why he “loved” me back then.  He said all of the things that I loved about myself at the time.  How confident and smart and witty I was.  It made me feel so dirty to think that all of the things I loved about myself were the reason he picked me.  He never outright admitted to raping me but he apologized and called a snake (he actually used that word).  I don’t know how I did it but I held it together until he left my car.  After he walked out of my car he was immediately arrested and I broke down and cried harder than I think I ever have in my life.  He was charged with 2nd Degree Sexual Assault of a child ( the cutoff for 1st Degree is 13) and Child Enticement.  He faced 40 years in prison.  I found out the police found a series of inappropriate  email conversations with a current student who was 13.  My case ground through the court system for a couple years.  At one point it was dismissed because I was too sick to go to court and it was “unconstitutional” for him to delay.  I refiled when I was healthy enough. 

I live in a decently small town so this was big news.  The local news stations were allowed to come in and tape so long as they blurred my face.  It was literally on the news.  During the prelim hearing his lawyer tore me apart.  He was disagreeing that anything took place but his attorney wanted to question my story.  He asked me, if I was so afraid, why didn’t say no or yell for help? Why did I not remember what he cleaned up with after he ejaculated? Why did I not report it? Why did I keep talking to him? Did I have a boyfriend at the time? What kind of underwear was he wearing? Was I “dressed provocatively”? ( I WAS 14!!) I just wanted to die right then and there.  I had asked my family to wait outside the courtroom but they later saw it on the news.  I figured it was worth it to see him in jail, after all he was facing 40 years and he was on tape apologizing when I asked why he raped me.  How could they not find him guilty?

In 2013 I was ready to go to trial.  I showed up the morning of and got prepared.  The DA came in and told me they were going to give him a plea deal.  I didn’t have a choice in the matter.  They eventually agreed to plead guilty to 4th Degree Sexual Assault.  The judge gave him 9 months in the House of Corrections with only 90 days to be served.  He got to leave during the day for work privileges.  He got to leave for three hours a day to pick his kids up from the frickin bus stop.  I was absolutely crushed.  After everything I had gone through he got 90 half days in jail! He didn’t have to register as a sex offender (which was the one thing I wanted the most).  He also was supposed to have his teaching license revoked. (Which I recently found out didn’t happen.  They let him just agree to let it expire and not seek to renew.  So basically he can just go and get a teaching license in a different state.)  My husband and I are still trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and heal.  The last thing I heard he was teaching Sunday School at his church.  How is that fair?  MY life was ruined and his went right on.  His wife sat next to him in court and called me a liar on the internet, along with just about everyone else I went to school with.  I couldn’t believe how many people were saying it was my fault and he was such a great guy.  They said I probably just had a crush on him and was upset he rejected me.  I would never imagine there would even be a conversation about whether a 14 year old was at fault in this.  I was left humiliated and ashamed and he was left with a slap on the wrist and an invitation to go out and rape other young girls. 

4 comments:

  1. My heart and a huge healing energy hug go out to you. This man robbed you of your innocence, health, joy, and more. How are we supposed to be able to label sexual molestation when we're still too young to understand what it was that was happening to us? But we knew it felt bad. We knew it made us sick. And it frightened us.

    The research of the last decade tells us that childhood abuse scars us mentally and physically. Over the last 10+ years, a major study has been underway, yet too few of us have heard about it. The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study demonstrates clearly the hidden epidemic of the impact of childhood abuse has on health. Up until now, abusers, legislators, judges, and so many people wanted to see only psychological damage, if that. And if there was psychological damage, that was because we were already weak and had "problems." This study is showing this isn't the case. The abuse damages us not only mentally, but physically as well. I'm left wondering how much of your physical health problems were due to his abuse of you. Ever wonder why there is such a high correlation between women abused as children and women who suffer from severe endometriosis as women? Well, it's pretty clear, isn't it? Our bodies fail us in the area abusers hurt us and robbed us of our right to make choices about our bodies. The evidence of the harm is there in full color. For me, the ugly scars of eight surgeries mark my body. Surgeons have removed my organs one by one, and I'll never be able to have children. But for new, it's too late to punish the wrongdoer. By the time I understood what had happened and had the words to name it, the statute of limitations had run its course.

    So, I want you to know I really do understand your anger at a man who hurt you so very much. I understand why you feel the "system" let you down and minimized the harm to you by allowing this man to plead guilty and get off with merely a rap on his knuckles.

    I hear you. I agree with you. I applaud your courage in telling your story. And I won't forget it. Ever.

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  2. Hear hear to everything Georgia Miller said. I'm so sorry that the justice system failed you. That you had the courage to confront your abuser speaks volumes about how far you have come in your recovery process. I wish with all my heart that you hadn't been re-traumatized by the trial because this also discourages other survivors from pursuing legal justice against their attackers. God speed you in your healing. This creep should NOT be allowed to teach children and he SHOULD be labeled as a sex offender to protect other children from his assaults. That judge should be made to step down, same as Persky.

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  3. Please expose the pos name and hus cunt wifes name. Ppl need to be warned. Please give the name of the attorney as well. I believe he is pedaphil as well. Asking if you dressed provocative at 14. I guess that depends on whether you find 14 yr olds provocative.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please expose the pos name and hus cunt wifes name. Ppl need to be warned. Please give the name of the attorney as well. I believe he is pedaphil as well. Asking if you dressed provocative at 14. I guess that depends on whether you find 14 yr olds provocative.

    ReplyDelete

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