Break The Silence

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This post was submitted via PM. A rape survivor who would like to share her story

#Breakingmysilence I have been silent most of my life. Taught well by my rapist to "not tell". The first threat "Don't tell or I'm gonna kill your little brother". Was enough of a threat to keep me silent my entire childhood. I loved my little brother. I had many ppl let me down in life. My family, authorities, hospital workers, teachers, the list goes on. I was 3/4 when my uncle began raping me. My parents were party animals and addicted to drugs and alcohol, so they failed to watch me, and my uncle always made himself available to babysit. By the age of 4 I had ppl confused when I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. I was left in the hospital for a week while they investigated and eventually sent back home. By the age of ten my uncle began allowing other ppl to rape and abuse me. Since my abuse started so young I never had any sense that my body was my own. So I was always the target for peers, neighbors and anyone else who wanted to grope or have sex with me. I never said no, I never knew I could. At the age of 13 a former neighbor son, a 17 year old boy several years older than me, waited for me behind a bush when I came home from school and raped me. He knew I wouldn't say anything because some months before that he broken into my house by a broken window, snuck into my room and did the same thing. I became pregnant and was coaxed into an abortion. To me the abortion, the guilt and aftermath was more traumatic than the rape itself. I was told it was ok, it was just a lump of tissue but I felt I killed my baby. This was the last instance. I fell into a deep depression and refused to eat or talk and began self mutilating. I was placed in a hospital and did not return home until the age of 17. My life spiraled out of control, being angry and bitter I joined a gang and excelled. I excepted Christ into my life and He has began healing me of my past pain and allowed me to help others walking this path. Its a long path, trauma cuts deep, but Jesus in my life have helped me move forward. I thank God, I am moving on and healing and have #brokenmysilence

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